


Customs

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-02-26
Updated: 2008-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-24 15:23:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1609946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How the team starts a tradition to exchange Valentines and the consequences three years later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Customs

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 was written for McSheplets #13 "Valentine".

It had only been one of the many discussions about Earth culture, and John had promptly forgotten about it because it went like pretty much every other discussion they had: Ford enthusiastically recalled something from his past, Teyla listened intently and asked questions, and Rodney rolled his eyes and said that it wasn't necessarily an Earth custom so much as something that _Americans_ did.

So when Teyla showed up at his doorstep one morning, handing him a piece of paper with a friendly smile on her face, and said "Happy Valentine's Day, Major!", he didn't quite know what to say.

Apparently she didn't expect an immediate answer, however, because she left afterwards, and as she walked away, he noticed that she was carrying two more notes in her hand.

He unfolded his own note and read:

"Dear Major Sheppard,

I am deeply grateful for the bravery, cunning, and strength you have shown in fighting the Wraith and saving the lives of others—and your own. You have welcomed me into your circle and invited me to join your team. You trusted me to fight alongside you to free my people and my galaxy.

Beyond that I value your humor and friendship. We may not always know what the other is saying, but I feel that for the most part we still _understand_ each other.

I hope this will continue for many years.

With the kindest regards  
Teyla"

It was...heart-warming and it made him smile, but at the same time he felt a panic set in his chest. 

Obviously after Ford told her about his grandmother's wonderful cake and how this would be the first time since he could write that he wouldn't be able to send her a Valentine's card, Teyla expected that they'd give each other Valentine's messages if they cared about each other. Which meant that she expected _him_ to write something nice about her. And the only good thing about that was that it bought him some time and that he wouldn't have to actually _face_ her when she read it.

He went for a run in the hopes of inspiration, but everything that didn't involve how nice her breasts looked was somehow awkward and made him think she wouldn't believe in his sincerity. And he wasn't sure how she'd take it if he wrote that she smelled nicely even when she was sweaty from beating him soundly with her sticks.

After taking a shower, he went to see Ford. He had started this whole thing and they were in this together, so maybe they'd find a way around this together.

"Did Teyla visit you this morning by any chance, Lieutenant?"

"Yes," Ford said cheerfully. "She gave me a Valentine's greeting, sir."

"Figures," John muttered.

"I think it's wonderful that she remembered what we told her about this tradition," he said with a smile. It formed into a grin as he added, "I already gave her mine."

John's face fell. "You gave her a Valentine," he said flatly.

"Yes, sir," Ford said, hesitant now. "Shouldn't I have?"

"No, no, it's good. I just guess this means we all have to...make one."

"Yes. I already made one for Dr. McKay. I wasn't sure about you, but I want you to know that I appreciate all that you've done for Atlantis and me personally. Thank you for trusting me to be on your team, sir. I hope never to disappoint you."

John smiled awkwardly. "Thank you, Lieutenant. Uhm...likewise. I mean..."

Ford grinned. "Thank you, sir."

This left Rodney as the last chance to get out of this. He couldn't imagine McKay writing Valentine's notes. But first he had a meeting with Bates and Elizabeth.

John eventually found Rodney in the labs.

"Tell me you haven't done anything for Teyla," John began without preamble.

"What?" Rodney said, turning around in his chair.

"Valentine's Day?"

"Oh that. Right, she was here and wished me Happy Valentine's Day. You should tell Ford to stop sharing all those stories," he said pointedly.

"I can't order him not to talk, McKay. It doesn't work with you either."

"Very funny. Was there something you wanted? Because I actually do have to work." Rodney turned back to his computer without waiting for an answer.

"I was just wondering what we should do about the whole Valentine's thing."

Rodney sighed and turned back to him. "What are you talking about? Do you want to invite her on a date? If so you don't need my permission or _help_." His voice turned slightly aggressive on the last word.

"I don't want to ask her out, McKay. She's a member of my team."

"Right," Rodney said, rolling his eyes in a way that made John think Rodney didn't think that that would stop John. Which was pretty annoying actually.

"Listen. I don't want to date Teyla. But she gave all of us Valentines, and I think after what Ford told her, she'll expect something in return." John was relieved to finally see a panic on Rodney's face that mirrored his own.

"Wait, wait, wait. A Valentine? She didn't..." Suddenly he rolled his chair towards the desk John was standing next to and rummaged between the papers, finally producing a note like the one John had gotten from Teyla that morning.

Rodney scanned it, and the corner of his mouth turned downwards. When he was finished, he glared at John. "You should forbid him to ever speak again."

"It's too late now anyway. So...any ideas?" John asked hopefully.

"Other than silencing Ford?"

John gave him a look.

"We could simply do nothing, and maybe she'll get the idea that this is nothing that you do for your team mates."

"Except that Ford already gave her his Valentine. Oh yeah, he has one for you too."

"Oh, what a wonderful day this is," Rodney sing-songed. Then he snatched a piece of paper and scribbled something on it.

John read over his shoulder.

"Teyla,

your beauty is matched by your grace, wisdom, and strength. I'm glad to have you on our team.

Rodney McKay"

"Wow, that's...good. McKay, who knew you had it in you?"

"I can _fake_ it when necessary," he said disparagingly. Then he quickly added, "Not that I don't admire those qualities about her."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it." John quickly got out a piece of paper for himself and began to write his own note.

"What are you doing? You can't just copy it!"

"Why not? It's exactly how I feel about her."

"Then at least rephrase it. God, you really just depend on your looks when it comes to women, don't you?" Rodney said sourly.

John raised his eyebrow. Of course Rodney wasn't exactly wrong. He'd never really had to woo anyone with things like this. He quickly wrote another note, which pretty much said exactly the same with slightly different words.

He openly sighed in relief. Disaster averted.

"Great, now we can go have lunch with her and Ford."

"I still have to... Oh all right, I forgot where I was now anyway."

Teyla and Ford were already in the mess when they joined them. They both sat down and pushed their respective notes towards Teyla.

She took them, read them, and smiled first at John then at Rodney.

"It really is a lovely tradition, to have a day designated to share your appreciation of others. Lieutenant Ford was kind enough to share with me what he wrote for you and told you," she said, looking at Rodney then at John.

"Oh yeah. Here's a Valentine for you, Doc."

Rodney took the note with a sour smile, and John bit his lip to hide his amusement. He could enjoy Rodney squirm, now that he was safe.

"Thank you," Rodney said. "I...uh... You're very welcome and I also appreciate you saving my life."

"Thanks," Ford said with a grin.

Teyla smiled at both of them and then looked at John and Rodney meaningfully. Oh no. She couldn't possibly...

"Have you already shared your Valentines?"

"You mean with _him_?!" Rodney said indignantly.

John looked at him and raised an eyebrow. He was as unhappy about this turn of events as anyone, but Rodney really needn't sound quite so put out.

Next to them Ford sniggered.

John forced himself not to glare at every single person at the table. Teyla just wanted to be friendly. And it was probably best to get this over with as soon as possible.

He sat up straight and turned to Rodney.

"Rodney," he began, and Rodney turned his head away, muttering "Oh my God".

"Rodney," John repeated. "I appreciate what you do for the team and on Atlantis. Saving our lives and...that kind of thing."

"You're a real poet, Major," Rodney said, sounding anything but impressed.

"And I also appreciate you being...you. Bringing me new tech and just hanging out, that...uhm... I like that and I know that you don't have a lot of time, so that you _take_ that time to be with, I mean, to spend time with me, I...yeah."

Okay, that was really pathetic, but Rodney stopped looking like he wanted to just be as far away as possible from all the stupidity. He actually looked sort of touched.

"Eh...thank you, Major," he eventually said stiffly. Then he grabbed his untouched tray and got up. "I'll have to get back to that experiment," he said, before fleeing the mess hall.

"I'm sure he'll let you know how _he_ feels after he has finished working," Teyla said, and John wasn't quite sure if she was mocking him.

Either way he had fulfilled his responsibilities for the day, which meant he didn't have to make a fool of himself again. He started digging into his food.

His verbal Valentine for Rodney certainly hadn't been the most eloquent, but thinking about his reaction he thought that it still had hit its mark. And it was actually nice to let Rodney know that he appreciated him not just for saving all their lives on a regular basis, but also on a personal level. McKay might be arrogant and a pain in the ass very often, but John still liked him and to his surprise Rodney had become the person he wanted to spend his time with the most.

Later that night, John was ready to put "War and Peace" aside when his door chimed.

He got up from the bed, alert. House calls at this time of night never meant anything good. But when he opened the door, it was Rodney. And he didn't look afraid for his life. At least not in the sense of there being an emergency.

"Rodney."

"Major," he said, not really looking at John. "I...uh. I just wanted to give you...this." He shoved a note in John's hand, then turned, muttered "Night", and was gone again.

John closed the door and sat down on the bed. He really hadn't expected Rodney to give him anything. They'd done this for Teyla's benefit mostly and even if the small part of him that hadn't found it excruciatingly humiliating had enjoyed telling Rodney how he felt, he was aware that if Teyla hadn't prompted him, he wouldn't have said anything to Rodney either.

But here it was. The message that Rodney had written for him. He wondered if this would be 'faked' too, but then dismissed the thought and opened it.

"Sheppard,

I don't think I need to mention how much I appreciate that you've made it a priority to save my life on a regular basis. Considering the circumstances, you do an admirable job, not just with that, but also as the military commander of Atlantis. But that is as much as anyone on Atlantis would tell you.

You've made me a member of your team. It speaks for you that you recognize the value of my brilliance in the field.

However I would never have hoped to find you valuing myself as much as my intellect. The time that we spend together outside of missions and briefings is among what I cherish the most here on Atlantis.

Since you were kind enough to share with me how you felt, even if you put it so very badly, I wanted to return the favor.

Sincerely,  
Rodney McKay"

John read the note twice and felt his heart grow about two sizes. He folded up the note and put it in his night stand.

Tomorrow he'd have to thank Teyla for beginning what he felt should be a custom for their team.

And he'd have to tell Ford to keep talking about such Earth customs.

He probably wouldn't thank Rodney. But then he didn't think he'd have to.


	2. Old Customs

It had been a difficult year.

Every year before Valentine's Day, since that first time three years ago, John thought about what the members of his team had gone through and what he appreciated about them the most.

Unlike that first year, their Valentine greetings were all passed in form of notes now, and they didn't talk about it, which really worked better for John anyway. It had never been easy for him to express his feelings, but doing it verbally, facing the person, was the most difficult for him.

So he was grateful for an opportunity to let his team know how much he valued each of them—even if it seemed especially difficult this year.

They'd lost so many people. Carson, Elizabeth, Kate. Teyla had lost a good friend and all of her people including the father of her child. Ronon had found parts of his family only to be forced to kill them. And Rodney had nearly had to watch his sister die and had faced failures on a scale that John knew haunted him, even if he could hide it for the most part.

This year John wrote and re-wrote his Valentines again and again, but he always found them lacking.

On the evening of the 13th, after he'd scrapped another set, he listened to music, trying to clear his mind, and then simply pulled out a piece of paper and wrote.

When he read his short messages, just three words, he knew that they would be the right thing to say and that he meant them for each of them.

He knew that Teyla would be grateful to finally have it put into words. Ronon probably wouldn't think much of it. And Rodney...

Rodney's note was the only one that he hesitated pushing through the closed door that night. Not because he didn't mean what he'd written. He did mean it. In fact he meant it even more than with Teyla and Ronon, if you could quantify love at all.

Maybe 'more' wasn't the right word. He loved Rodney differently. He was in love with Rodney. And that made him hesitate because he didn't want to share _that_ part of his feelings for Rodney.

But in the end he trusted that Rodney would take it as it was meant.

They'd come a long way since that first exchange of Valentines, and especially in the last year he felt they'd grown closer to the point that his words could be understood to mean the friendship that had built between them without rousing Rodney's suspicions that he meant more than that.

And as the note disappeared in Rodney's quarters and out of John's reach, he had to acknowledge a small part of him that wanted to say those words to Rodney with _all_ that they meant, especially now that Rodney was single again.

He didn't have any hopes that his feelings would be returned. In fact he tried not to think about that, because sometimes when Rodney looked at him, like when he'd found him in the space suit mere seconds before the Midway station exploded, John couldn't help seeing how much he meant to Rodney. He was afraid that if he thought too much about it, he would begin to hope, and he knew that their relationship was complicated enough as it was.

John valued his friendship with Rodney more than any other relationship he'd ever had in his life. Asking for more seemed like pushing his luck, not just because of his track record in relationships, but also because of their circumstances.

What they had was enough for John, and now he'd finally put it into words, just like with Teyla and Ronon. When he went to bed that night his last thought was of Rodney and how he might react.

~~

The next morning, when Ronon picked him up for their morning run, he pushed a note into John's hand.

All it said was, "I love you, too."

"And don't think I'll go easy on you because of that," Ronon added and started to run.

John folded up the note and followed him.

~~

Teyla brought her Valentine to his office that morning.

She thanked him and put a hand on his shoulder, and after a moment of hesitation, she put her hands on his arms and leaned forward until their foreheads touched. She smiled at him and left, a vision of grace as always.

John sat down and read the lengthy note she had written.

He smiled, folded it up and put it alongside Ronon's into his pocket.

His thoughts turned to Rodney for a moment. He should have found John's note by now. John tried to picture it. He'd expected Ronon's and Teyla's response, but as well as he knew Rodney, he found it hard to predict what he'd say or do. And that filled him with both trepidation and excitement.

~~

Rodney joined them for lunch late and distracted.

He gave no indication at all that he'd noticed that it was Valentine's Day. John didn't know if the others had given him their Valentines, but as the meal went on, he became more sure that Rodney hadn't actually read his message yet.

He was probably just very busy. This seemed to be confirmed when Rodney didn't eat dinner in the mess hall that evening. John tried not to be too disappointed.

He was getting anxious, but he knew that Rodney would send his message if he had the time. And if he'd have to wait a day or two, he'd live.

Later that evening he couldn't sit still anymore. He'd tried to read, but he couldn't concentrate or hide the fact that he really was just waiting for Rodney's response. He decided to take a walk.

He found Teyla on one of the balconies. He didn't want to disturb her, and he didn't actually want to talk with her either. They'd said all that needed to be said in their notes. However there was one thing on his mind that she could help him with.

"John," she said, turning to him.

"Sorry, I didn't want to disturb you."

"You are not. It is a lovely night."

He stepped out onto the balcony but stayed close to the door. "Yes, it is. I was just taking a quick walk. Uhm...has Rodney already given you your Valentine?"

She looked at him, and it felt as if she knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Yes, he has," she said kindly.

So Rodney knew what day it was.

Apart from that first year, Rodney had never waited until the evening to bring him his Valentine, which probably meant that he'd found John's note and didn't quite know how to respond.

John tried not to panic at the thought. It didn't have to have any deeper meaning than that Rodney hadn't expected John to actually write down those words.

Maybe he simply had a more difficult time than usually to phrase his response.

John tried to shake himself out of this because speculation would do him no good. He'd know it in time. He nodded at Teyla and went back to his room.

~~

He'd only just arrived when the door chimed.

John's heart started to beat rapidly, but he ignored it and quickly opened the door.

"Rodney." It was almost comical how much this reminded him of how Rodney had looked that first year: Nervous to the point of fear and unable to look at John.

But then Rodney looked up at John, and the similarities ended. He held out the note. John took it, and when Rodney made no move to leave, he stepped aside to let him in.

He unfolded Rodney's message and after another look at Rodney read:

"John,

no words could express my gratitude for what you do for me every single day.

I owe you my life and that of my sister. It seems there is no year in which I cannot thank you for saving Atlantis.

More than that you are a constant in my life that I wouldn't want to miss. When everything else in my life seems to fail you are always there. I have never felt as at ease with anyone as I feel around you. And don't think there is anyone else in this galaxy or any other that could make me play computer golf.

You are my best friend. And I hope that will never change.

Rodney"

John's throat felt suddenly dry.

It was the first time that Rodney had addressed him as John in the Valentines, or any other written communication for that matter. He'd referred to John as a friend before, but this was the first time he'd called him his _best_ friend, and it meant the world to John.

John looked up at Rodney.

"I wrote this before I saw your note," Rodney suddenly said.

John had to collect his thoughts a bit, trying to figure out why Rodney felt he had to point it out. Then it occurred to him that Rodney hadn't returned John's sentiments, at least not in words.

John smiled. "That's all right." And he meant it. He didn't need the words, because Rodney had made it perfectly clear how much he cared about John. What mattered was that he _felt_ it.

But evidently Rodney disagreed. "No, it's not. I really think..."

John's smile faded and he watched Rodney, trying to prepare to hear those words. At this point he feared he might do something completely embarrassing like hugging Rodney.

"I love you, John," Rodney said, calmly, with deliberate words.

John couldn't help the gasp that escaped his mouth. What he'd prepared for was a declaration of friendship, but his pounding heart had heard something else entirely.

Rodney gave him a quick smile and looked away. "Maybe I shouldn't have—" And then he stopped because John's mouth was covering his.

John fought down the panic rising in his chest. This had far more disastrous potential than hugging Rodney. This wasn't just skirting the line of their friendship, but running over it, and if he was wrong, he might lose everything—but he didn't.

Rodney's mouth opened up, and when he felt Rodney's arms around him and Rodney's hand in his hair, he knew that their friendship would never have to be enough for them again.

He kissed Rodney with everything that he had, and later that night, he slid out of bed to pick up his Valentines and put them in his nightstand drawer together with the others.

Rodney murmured into the pillow when John slipped back under the cover and settled down next to him.

John watched him sleep. He wondered how much this would change their relationship. And, smiling, he thought about how he wouldn't have to hesitate when he gave Rodney his next Valentine.

He was already looking forward to Rodney's.


End file.
